I am notoriously tech-unfriendly and although I possess a “smart” phone (the word “own” strikes me as altogether too personal for such a sterile device), I am baffled and bewildered on the rare occasions that it rings.
Indeed, things that a five-year-old takes in its stride leave me flummoxed.
It thus comes as no surprise that at every turn I am confronted with demands for seemingly vital information without which commerce will grind to a halt, with passwords being in particular demand.
I recently purchased a new electric blanket to replace the old one which had gone to that great appliance graveyard in the sky, leaving me shivering during a particularly cold snap.
My supplier then asked me to submit a product review, which I tried unsuccessfully to do, since it demanded my password. Password? What password?
There is no password! Despite my best efforts, however, the system refused to proceed without a password, and showing commendable initiative, I invented one and entered it.
“Password incorrect!” screamed the message on my screen, followed by, “Enter password!”
At which point, I abandoned what was clearly an unequal struggle, although I did make the effort to prove that I am not a robot.
I did this by submitting blood and DNA samples to the retailer in question in the hope that a forensic analysis would confirm my status as a member of the human race.
I then received a further request from the retailer for a customer review, and I responded by email, much along the lines of this letter.
Within a nanosecond a reply appeared on my screen, assuring me that “one of our agents will contact you shortly”.
Well, that was about a fortnight ago and it has since maintained a heroic silence.
I am too much of a gentleman to reveal the name of my supplier. Indeed, wild horses could not drag the name from me.
Oh, all right then, if you insist, but I’ll only say that the name begins with a “W”, and not a syllable more shall escape these lips!
And that, along the way, I have met some perfectly charming robots.
* John Gardener, Howick.
** The views expressed here are not necessarily those of Independent Media.
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