QUESTION: I am 52 and have always been close to my dad, who was widowed for the second time eight years ago aged 79. I don’t want him to be lonely, but I was shocked when he told me six months ago he was seeing a woman closer to my age and that the relationship is physical. I haven’t met her, as I find the thought distasteful and worry she exploits him for financial support. Should I tell him?
ANSWER: Most women find it hard to think of their father dating someone their own age. And I write as someone whose dad was 27 years older than my mother. It requires the daughter to see her parent and his new partner being happy in each other’s company over some time.
The question is whether your dad’s choice is age-related decline, or is simply a question of the heart wants what the heart wants. But how can you possibly assess the truth if you decline to meet the woman?
I presume you feel that if you avoid meeting her, you avoid appearing to sanction the relationship. But you can’t protect him if you keep your distance and, more importantly, you can’t support him.
On first look, it’s almost impossible to believe a woman in her 50s would choose a man over 80. Yet it happens; it depends on the charisma of the male involved. And - yes - sometimes the attraction has some connection to wealth.
It’s safest to assume your father is sincere. If you tell him bluntly of your misgivings there’s a major chance of a rift.
Meet her and assess how they behave together. If you still feel she’s insincere, direct discussions to your father’s plans. By 80 any adult should have discussed legal matters such as power of attorney and living wills with close kin.
If you sort out these issues, you won’t feel so threatened by his love life.
Daily Mail