Durban – Social media sites have defined privacy in a new way.
Many things that should be private have become public. Users are constantly posting updates and photographs about mundane things – from their food, outfits and the state of their health.
It’s become normal for everyone to know their business.
While I don’t particularly enjoy these posts, I can deal with them. What I can’t deal with is people sharing intimate details of their love life on social media.
“I’m so in love with Tom”
“I just spent the weekend with my soulmate in bed in the Berg”
“Tom has the cutest ass”
“Tom and I just had a major argument, I wish he would grow up”.
These are just a few examples of what I am bombarded with daily upon logging on to Facebook.
I’m at the point where I either hide the posts from my wall or I go straight for the jugular and click on the “Unfriend” button. Instagram is the same, if not worse.
There are dozens of pictures in every pose of people with their significant others. Then suddenly, all the lovey dovey posts and photographs vanish. My conclusion… they broke up.
So much time and effort spent letting the world know how much you love your partner, and now it’s over.
And then the process continues in less than a week with a newbie.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous of people who have relationships or are head over heels in love. I just hate the way they share personal moments – leaving nothing private anymore.
Counselling psychologist Dr Lynne Campbell-Gillies said “healthy boundaries” were the key to a healthy relationship.
“The concept of boundaries is the understanding of respect – respect for oneself and for others. For most people, respecting your own and others’ privacy is a common value.
“Publicly over-sharing personal information about yourself is a matter of personal discretion, but doing that about others, particularly without their permission, shows a lack of respect for the ‘other’ and reflects on the sharer’s own value system.”
She said when in a relationship, there was an expectation that you would be treated with respect, including the valuing of your privacy.
“We expect to be treated in a respectful way and our partners have the same expectation. We want to feel a sense of trust in a relationship. Showing respect for a person’s feelings, whether or not we agree with them, is an indication of a value of integrity and trust. This is how we honour our relationship.
“Discussing our relationship grievances or maligning our partners on social media is not only showing our partner disrespect, but also betraying our partner and their trust in us,” said Campbell-Gillies.
She said all the information shared about one’s personal life on social media was available for the world to view and comment upon should they so wish.”Anything placed on the net is no longer private. You have consciously or unconsciously given up your right to privacy. With this in mind, I would take care to share only that information that you understand can bear criticism, that you may be able to personally justify and, particularly, does not harm others.
“The more general and arbitrary, perhaps, the better. And best to share as little personal information (particularly negative information) especially where it relates to your relationship, as possible,” she said.
Campbell-Gillies’s advice is that oversharing may indicate the individual does not have adequate outlets to discuss their problems.
“Having a trusted relative or friend to talk to can help you get a different perspective on something that is bothering you.
“Think before you react or seek some emotional release about a problem on social media.
“Remember, sharing your emotional dilemmas or relationship conflicts on social media not only has a tendency to hurt or humiliate your partner, but says something about you, the ‘sharer’.
“You will have not only betrayed your partner, but betrayed yourself. If you feel hurt, confused, angry or generally dissatisfied in your relationship, seek guidance or help from a trusted friend, or even a therapist,” she advised.
Arthur Goldstuck, managing director of World Wide Worx and editor of Gadget magazine, said obsessive posting could be recognised as directly abusive.
“It’s one of the more offensive forms of behaviour on social media as it assumes the entire world is focused on one’s own trivial interests, or that it should be. It is often a sign of either deep insecurity or gross arrogance,” said Goldstuck.
He said although there were no hard and fast rules about what social media should be used for, there were many rules about what one must not do.
“There is no specific intention that can be held up as the ‘true role’ of social media. It is what people make it.
“Though social media is being used effectively between romantic partners, families, school friends, long-lost friends, business and news media, that range is the clue to the fact that there is no one-size-fits-all rule in social media,” he said.
He advised that before posting anything on social media, you should ask yourself if it was something you would say on a public stage, with an audience comprising friends, family, parents, children and colleagues.
“If not, don’t say it, because you are, in fact, standing on a public stage,” said Goldstuck.
Sunday Tribune