QUESTION: Having split from my husband four years ago, I have finally met a nice new man. We’re the same age (54) and have fun together, but our love-making lacks fire. He’s inexperienced and clumsy in bed. My friend says I can train him – but I’m not sure you can change someone’s sexual habits at this age. What do you think?
ANSWER: It’s commonplace to say you can’t really change anyone.
However, I don’t think that’s true when it comes to sex. The inexperienced virgin is necessarily a completely different lover to the same person several partners on.
Being in a long-term relationship usually changes your sexual practice, as you feel enough love and trust to explore proper intimacy. I have talked to many men who said they didn’t even begin to understand sex and women until they were in their 40s – they didn’t have sufficient maturity before then.
Indeed, many women feel they don’t hit their stride until middle age, when they can finally push erotic boundaries.
I would also question whether anyone is ever exactly the same sexual being with one person as they are with another.
A new lover can bring out something unexpected in the shyest or most experienced of sexual partners.
But sometimes, a new bed-mate needs a gentle push to try new things. I would guess this is the case with your new man.
There’s a point at which new lovers need to move beyond reticence and fear of humiliation to discuss their desires.
A good way to start such a conversation is to ask if there’s anything you can do to turn him on. Let him know there are sure-fire ways of pushing your buttons and that you’d like to demonstrate them to him.
The thing to bear in mind is that anyone can change – but only if they want to.
Daily Mail