While the festive season might be a blissful time for many, for others, it can be a challenging ordeal as grieving during the holidays can amplify the sense of loss, as the world seems to celebrate joy and togetherness.
Grieving can be emotionally challenging as traditions and gatherings may serve as stark reminders of those who are no longer present.
Jacaranda FM radio host and television personality, Danny Painter, is one of scores of people, who are dealing with loss during the festivities.
Her husband Phillip, who she was married to for 17 years, died from a heart attack at their home in September this year.
In the weeks following her devastating loss, the Brakpan-based media personality took some time off work and admitted that she has tried to rebuild her life and find her “new normal”.
Painter has since been vulnerable and authentic about her mourning journey on social media.
And as the festive season sets in, the media personality unpacked how a young widow, or anyone dealing with grief, can navigate their first holiday season without their loved one.
She admitted that the past few months have been a blur.
“I have no idea where I’ve been during these last few weeks since he left,” she said.
“Some days have been good, others I haven’t gotten out of bed, but I’m okay.”
“I’ve moved out of my house, I’m in the middle of renovating my new place and the dogs and I are still alive, so that’s good.”
Painter said that one of the lessons she learnt this year was to “feel”.
“No matter how scary or deep it feels, you need to feel it.”
“The only way out is through and if that’s crying hysterically or throwing a coffee mug, feel it.”
She also stressed that the grieving process shows just how short life is.
“We are all on borrowed time and you need to live,” she said.
“On the days you can get out of bed – go and live.”
To cope with grief, she also advised leaning into wellness practices such as prayer, meditation, gym or self-care.
And as the festivities are about to kick into full swing, Painter reminisced about what the holidays were like with her husband.
“Phil was an incredibly generous human and over and above the festivities, he would shower me and the dogs with gifts.”
She added that due to their demanding workloads and schedules, the Christmas holidays used to be time for them to spend the most time together during a year.
“We had a tradition of staying home all of the holidays, waking up on Christmas morning and pouring mimosas, opening presents and then I would cook a full turkey dinner with homemade yorkies, and all the sides.”
“The rest of the day would be spent swimming with the dogs, listening to music and just spending time together.”
As Painter looks back on the festive seasons she spent with her husband, she admitted that this year will be hard without him.
“I spent the last few weeks processing it and thinking I would just not do anything, but I think that may make it worse, so I am going to change it completely.”
“We are having a big Christmas eve dinner with family and friends, presents and lots of wine.”
She will then spend Christmas day celebrating online with her friends overseas.
“I think it’s about making it different but special, re-framing it,” she said.
“I’m still not sure about putting up a tree and lights, but I know he would want me to, so maybe.”
“So many people are grieving this December and I think it’s just about making it special for you, your family and the person on the other side.”
Her message for all those who are also grieving during the holidays is to give themselves grace.
“It’s really, really hard and can be incredibly dark but just getting up and brushing your teeth is enough,” she said.
“It’s okay to cry and to be miserable, angry and numb, but it’s also okay to be happy and in those moments the guilt will come, allow it to pass.”
“You deserve to smile this holiday season and if you can, make yourself something nice to eat, try a new recipe, pour something nice to drink and raise a glass for your person or people in heaven, because they’re with you.”
“You will get through, just like you got through the last few weeks, months and years. You’ve got this. And you are not alone.”