It is a shameful indictment that in 2024 when children are being slaughtered by the thousands in Gaza and there is a genocide happening in front of our eyes, that we in this community are still having a discussion about colourism.
One would think we have evolved from the cane fields to become educated and compassionate human beings. If that sounds harsh it is meant to be. This was the way of the past generations who didn’t know better, and for whom prejudice was just how it was.
Growing up, I was acutely made aware and to feel embarrassed for being darker skinned. I was taunted at school by children my own age who inconceivably learned the skill of colour shaming no doubt from the households they were raised in.
I then dated someone who was much lighter skinned, who was not just physically abusive but also prone to fits of verbal rage where I was ‘cut down to size’ by being called an ugly black thing or ‘Blackie’.
Colourism echoes our colonial past served by our own people to exert their so-called superiority based on the colour of their skin. The only embarrassing thing about colourism, is that these types of people who colour shame still exist, inheriting their own parents' bigotry and internal racism.
I always maintain there are far worse things to be in life than dark skinned, like being a racist, abusive or criminal, and we need to teach our children this. There is no overcoming being dark skinned, and it’s not a debilitating disease that needs to be overcome.
It’s a matter of embracing your skin and knowing that the shaming is never about the individual being mocked but rather the person who’s doing it. It surely must be a terrible burden to have to go through life with this sort of poison inside oneself, where the only way one can feel better about oneself is by demeaning and diminishing someone else based on what they look like.
Those kinds of people deserve our pity. People who are making a difference in this world and the people who stand out are not the ones being trolls or colour shamers on the streets or social media; they are the people who are just focused on humanity and basic decency, and the darkness or fairness of the skin is irrelevant in the pursuit of this ideal.
Now, I ask of my dark and light skinned people, which would you rather be? A hateful or good human being?
My own children are much lighter skinned than me. We don’t teach them about colour in our home but to say we don’t see it would be a lie. It’s the first thing we see, but it’s only a problem when we use colour to demean and diminish or vilify people.
I had my daughters ask me how come I am brown and they are not like me. I explained it’s all quite magical that my brown skin mixed with their dad’s ‘peach’ skin (that’s what they call his colour) to make their skin. I told them I love my skin and it’s the colour of chocolate and it’s beautiful.
Sometime later, they both asked why they can't have skin like mine and they wanted to be brown too. I laughed and said we are all what we are and it’s what makes us so special. They see my skin as something to marvel over. They love it. It is important what we teach our children. They see a mother who is unapologetically so full of herself and in her skin and we need to see more of that.
Vanessa Tedder is a former radio and television news journalist, and an author.